Category: Joke Board
> Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an
> important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
>
> Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a
> parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life
> and give up me Irish Whiskey."
>
> Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
>
> Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man
> he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
>
> The man said, "I do, Father."
>
> The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
>
> Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
>
> "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
>
>
>
> "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
>
> Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go
> to heaven?"
>
> O'Toole said, "No I don't, Father."
>
> The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when
> you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
> O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group
> together to go right now."
>
> ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
> O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time
> he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience
> began to bother him and he went to confession to repent.
>
> "Father, it's 15 years since my last confession, and I've been
> stealing wood from the lumber yard all those years," he told the
> priest.
>
> "I understand, my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?"
>
>
>
> O'Toole said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber."
>
> ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
> Paddy was in New York. He was patiently waiting and watching the
> traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of
> traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians!"
>
> After the pedestrians crossed, he'd all ow the automobile traffic to
> pass.
>
> He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
>
> After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy went
> over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics
> across?"
>
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
> Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in
> the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best
> friend Finney.
>
> "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"
>
> "Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"
>
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
> An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for
> speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the
> priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the
> car.
>
> He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
>
> "Just water," says the priest.
>
> The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
>
> The priest looks at the bottle and exclaims, "Good Lord! He's done it
> again!"
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a
> stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."
>
> "Oh yeah?"said Charlie "And how did this one end?"
>
> "When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and
> knees.
>
> "Really?" said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"
>
> She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken-s**t!"
"You don't stop playing because you get old.
> You get old because you stop playing."
Ohh yes all the Irish are drunks aren't they.